He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
