I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
