bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
