ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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