is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
ttyl tear gas
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
