Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
