Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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