she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jรคger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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