My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sarcasm needs its own font
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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