i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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