i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
