I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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