i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
