if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
