It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize