Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
