Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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