You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
