Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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