we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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