my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
