my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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