every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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