I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
