Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We don't watch enough power rangers
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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