margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
