She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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