I look better un-naked...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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