Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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