I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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