dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i think im in europe. pls send help
wow bdsm is so cute
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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