It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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