i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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