I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
