is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
