Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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