Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
