There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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