he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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