does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
