So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Green mimosas i think yes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This baby is an asshole
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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