Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
