This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
