you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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