Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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