there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
