I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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