i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
