I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
