I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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