i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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