I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
